Monday, 19 April 2010
I'm just beginning to sense the winds of change, I can feel them starting to tug at my ankles and pull me away...in another direction, away from where I am now. It's my final week in the US (already changed my flight once due to the volcanic ash, so I could be writing this again, still here, in a few weeks time!). Each time I visit I learn something new about myself. Last time I was here, I started to get a niggling feeling about wanting to return here-home soon. I have so many homes now and I remember my days as a young adult where I felt I was flailing around searching and not finding any place to call home. Home now is in the UK, in the town where I have lived for nearly 9 years. And it is in the Carolinas where my family now live. And it is in the city where I grew up, with people I love. In the music and movement of the South. And, like many times before now, I am on the verge of leaving this home and thus arriving somewhere else again. Somewhere I also call home too.
This leaving is not yet upon me and in some ways it feels uncertain and far off still. This, I'm sure is due to the volcanic ash situation but also to the recent busy and chaotic events of being at home. Illness in the family awaiting uncertain outcomes, visits with friends who are going through difficult times and the flip side of all this, the desire to stay stay stay for a long long time and just eventually (though not without a lot of work) meld back into life here in the US.
For now it is not to be, unless that is, Eyjafjallajokull continues to spew. I have important things to do back in the UK right now. I'm not sure if they are any more important than things I might have to do in the US, but as of this minute only, (one at a time) I am hoping to go back and do them. Do the writing that needs to be done, the work that needs to happen, the return to studying so I have more options one day... and maybe then I can return
to the place I have found in the past week
the one that surprisingly said to me in a clear voice, yes
this is home. Here it is, stronger than before.