When I started my blog I thought, here is a space to collect thoughts on love, relationship and all that jazz... And yet, what's probably the most difficult thing for me to write about is love and loving. Here in the online zone I call The Book of Love, I haven't done much writing on love lately... even though I've been in love recently, even though I've been in love for quite some time, even though I've been in a relationship, grappling with the ups and downs of love in a way I've never done before.
Breakups are part of the whole finding-love-and-holding-onto-it business that is life really, and I've found myself blog-silent on this, because when you think you've found love, and the person you feel it for and with takes a step away and out of the picture, there is little to say. Little to say especially that is funny or wry or even sarcastic, all those emotions it's easy for me to use when writing.
But not writing feels like I'm turning my back on the very idea that prompted me to start this: a safe place to lay down thoughts on love, look them over, hold them up to the light or let the darkness in. And so I've come to the point of writing, without the energy it takes to put on the mask of--No really, I'm fine, I know it will all be okay. And in this process I hope to find, for myself, permission to write what's here, in my life, especially when it isn't funny or light-hearted, but sad or difficult or sometimes even impossible.