Sunday, 12 June 2011

No better and no worse

The past few days I've been doing a lot of very good things. For some reason I felt really compelled to dive into reading some of the classics that I've never read before. I surveyed shelves in second-hand bookshops, libraries, a friend's house and came up with two that caught my interest. I'm not sure it is considered a classic (I've never even heard of it before and nor had most people I mentioned it to), but The World My Wilderness, seems to just hit the spot.

It's a very quick read and a very short book with odd characters. And I'm galloping through reading about Barbary and Raoul's secret jaunts through post-war London. The wildness in the book is exciting and yet restrained. And I suspect part of what I was wanting when I decided to delve into some classics was that restraint: passion and details about other places in the world all wrapped up into the language and syntax of the past.

Remarkable Things this weekend (so far):

1) Wonderful birthday party last night at the house of two dear friends--cake! brownies! beautiful salads! scrumptious!

2) As I was eating a handful of those multi-flavoured jelly beans at the party, a guy comes up to me and says--You know they make a vomit flavour too... Thanks buddy for putting me off eating more jelly beans!

3) Lots of deep meditation yesterday and this morning. Deep breath and focus

4) Watching Eat Pray Love. There were some amazing lines in the film such as: To have a broken heart means you have tried for something. I'll remember this for a long time...

5) Hot mug of tea, putting my feet up, afternoon in my pjs, under the duvet with my current novel. No guilt, just weekend time to read and read and read, like I used to do when I was a kid.

Tuesday, 7 June 2011

Rules for Teachers

I've just finished a flat-out marathon of marking exam papers. 300,000 words for this first batch. Needless to say, my vision is fuzzy even reading this as a type it! And I found an old photo I took of a funny sign. Some of these rules clearly apply to my life. Certainly numbers 1, 2, 3 and 12. Number 10 is also true.

Remarkable things today:

1). All Mr T's stuff is finally gone from my house...
2). It's very very sunny, yet still cold out.
3). I just discovered the amazing swing-jazz-smoothness of Dutch singer Caro Emerald's music.

Here are a couple songs: Back it up, That Man

4). Hearing her music just makes me want to dance and I can't remember the last time I felt that way...

5). Jamaican cooking and how my house smells after two hours of cooking 'peas and rice'!

Out into the cold sunny day to take down the half-dry washing. Oh don't I just love June in the UK!

Thursday, 2 June 2011

The Book of one can lift the damn thing

When I started my blog I thought, here is a space to collect thoughts on love, poetry, relationship and how we all connect.... And yet, what's probably the most difficult thing for me to write about is love. I haven't done much writing on love lately... even though I've been in love recently, even though I've been in love for quite some time, grappling with the ups and downs of relationship in a way I've never done before.

Breakups are part of the whole finding-love-and-holding-onto-it business that is life really, and I've found myself blog-silent on this, because when you think you've found love, and the person you feel it for and with takes a step away and out of the picture, there is little to say. Little to say especially that is funny or wry or even sarcastic, all those emotions it's easy for me to use when writing.

But not writing feels like I'm turning my back on the very idea that prompted me to start this: a haven in which to lay down thoughts my thoughts, to look them over, hold them up to the light or let the darkness in. And so I've come to the point of writing, without the energy it takes to put on the mask of--No really, I'm fine, I know it will all be okay. And in this process I hope to find, for myself, permission to write what's here, in my life, especially when it isn't funny or light-hearted, but sad or difficult or sometimes even impossible.